T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
