Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
