Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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