"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
