It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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