dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
