so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The best revenge is premature balding
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
