i was born a porn star she said
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
