I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
