I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I cut my penus on the lid.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm at about main and main street
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
whose ass print is on the piano?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
