Can Purell be used as lube?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
