my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
