Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize