glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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