i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
