update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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