Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
