id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
