Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let's get the cat blown out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
