i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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