You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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