i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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