I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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