You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
