so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
