I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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