I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
