just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
