shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
