Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
