Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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