We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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