she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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