I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
