It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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