I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
