They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
