I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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