Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
