Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
