I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
