as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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