Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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