just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
