Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
