Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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