Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
only you would photoshop your dick
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
