What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
