The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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