it hurts more in the daytime
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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