The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
