Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
