"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
