so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
