just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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