This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she woke up with a sticky ear
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize