Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
