Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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