It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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