it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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