So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize