Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
