WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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