I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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